


The Bipolar and The Pyromaniac

by georgiesucks



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore
Genre: F/M, Frerard, M/M, Mental Hospital, Mental Hospital AU, Panic At The Disco (Band), Panic! at the Disco - Freeform, Peterick, Ryden
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiesucks/pseuds/georgiesucks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon Urie, depressive bipolar gets moved up to ward 5 where he meets pyromaniac Ryan Ross. Ryan will turn his whole life around. Mental Hospital AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic is unfinished, read only if you can deal with there only being one chapter. I never knew my shitty fanfic would get so many hits so I apologise! If you want an active fic, I have a new fic called "Cigarettes and Swollen Lips" and I'm starting a new Ryden soon so stay tuned. Thank you so much for the support but I will not be continuing this fic, look out soon for new fics though! <3 - Georgie

There have always been 8 of us on ward 5. We’re all mental. We’re all as crazy as the next patient to walk through that door. We have things we aren’t supposed to have, we have priorities we usually aren’t allowed. We have each other though. We also have Jon and Bob, the nurses who run the ward. They’re the reason I haven’t got mad yet. Well, okay, that’s a lie. My first day admitted on ward 4, April 2nd, Jon smiled and showed me around ward 5 even though I wasn’t on that ward, he could see it coming. I met each and every person in the ward and he smiled, looking at my old battered copy of Alice in Wonderland I  
brought as my comfort. He smiled and said “We’re all mad here” with one dirty wink and that’s where it all started…

~

I remember the first time we met, my first day on ward 5, April 12th. My Birthday. You hadn’t been there the first time I’d arrived. I never thought we'd even get along. The depressed bipolar and the pyromaniac but we did. I remember you sitting across from me, staring at me and wondering why you'd never seen me before. I had told you I was new; they'd moved me up from ward 4 after my second suicide attempt. I didn't like sharing my story, but when you're in a mental hospital, you all know why one another are in there. You never told anyone why you were there, but you told me. You told me what you had done. Burning down your house because your parents didn't accept you for being gay, your parents inside the house. You stood there and watched the flames light up your terrified face, tears streaming down your cheeks, the sound of the fire brigade in the distance. Even then, so messed up, I imagine you were beautiful. You were so misunderstood, you got sectioned, confined in these four walls by your parents who hate you yet want you alive rather than dead. You told me about the scars and the way you'd cut your skin, the way you would bleed out and for minutes, your problems would seem invisible. They would seem like just a ghost of your past, never the shadow of your future. I always wondered why you confided in me. I still wonder. Why, Ryan? I just don't get it. I cannot even fathom how frightened you must have been when your house lit up in flames. A beautiful fire right before your gorgeous hazel eyes. You could never see the beauty in yourself. I could see the beauty in you. You were the most beautiful person I had ever set my eyes upon. But when your eyes were set on me that first day, I knew, I just knew that you and I were meant to be what we'd always longed to be. Us, just us. Perfect and irreplaceable. We shared our stories that day and from then on it was always us. It was always us. You knew that. I still know that.

~

Never a day goes past without me wanting to die. Wanting to end it all. But know that. I stay alive for you because I cannot deny the fact that I love you and I could never be without how I feel about you and how much I care for you. I wish I could, I really wish I could. There are times when I didn't understand why you loved me, most days in fact. It was never the way you'd shout at me or the way you tried to stop me from talking to Pete no, it was the fact we were both mental. Surely in your state, you could never love me? Surely for a pyromaniac, love wasn't on their agenda? But no, you loved me as much as I loved you. I still love you. God, I love you so much it hurts. 

~

It was one month later when we shared our first kiss, do you remember, Ry? I had never known anyone like you. You were the boy who kept that stupid glittery lighter in your room, hidden from view and finding. I hadn't expected it. I had always been so sure of myself and who I was. I was that perfect little Mormon boy my parents brought me up to be, but you've changed that. Religion was never for me. I could never understand the complex and irreplaceable meanings my parents stuck in my head my whole life. You made me understand. You made me understand that I will never understand because I was never meant to be a Mormon. I was just meant to be yours forever. We were sat there in your room; your parents had visited you that day and asked how you were getting on. They never gave up on you, Ry. Never. They never understood you but you they never gave up. I felt incomplete. I didn't feel sorry for you; I had no sorrow for you whatsoever. You'd tried to burn your parents alive. But then when you had walked in after seeing them for the first time since the accident, you were silent, you had come and sat with me and you just cried. You buried your head into my chest and cried. That's when I felt bad for you. We're ill, Ryan. We were always ill. The only difference is that everybody on ward 5 had tried to end their own lives. You tried to end your own along with someone else's. Everyone was terrified of you, but when I saw you break down, when I held you and whispered comforting whispers in your ear. I wasn't scared of you, I was scared for you. That's the moment I fell in love with you. You could have punched me or done something even stupider but you trusted me and you let me comfort you. From that moment on we were closer than ever. You pressed your lips against mine and whispered "Forever" as you kissed me and pulled me closer. I was terrified. I knew our days were numbered but I wanted to spend each one of them with you. I knew one of us would probably end up killing ourselves or perhaps finally leave the hospital. Either way, it would all be over. 

~

We carried on like that, in our little infinity for six months. Birthday’s passed yet six months felt like 6 days. That's when the problems started occurring. There had been whispers of me sleeping around, getting together with Pete when you were in therapy. It never happened, I'm still not sure if you believed me when I told you they were all lies. Patrick and Pete already had enough stress with Pete being told if he keeps improving he could leave soon. Poor Patrick... He was attached to Pete like a limpet. Pete was getting better though, he had stopped crying at night, the screams in his pillows silenced by Patrick's comforting words and touch. We all knew that Pete's depression was improving; Patrick couldn't understand that Pete might be let out onto the outside. Pete didn't want to leave either. I still to this day think Pete started the rumour, to drive himself crazier. To show the world that he's not okay. Pete was okay, he was driving himself crazy because of the thought of losing Patrick. 

~

One week later and it was Christmas Day. We had settled on the sofa watching The Wizard of Oz. Jon and Bob had given us all cards and we had made them cards the week earlier with Hayley our creative manager. Hayley was sweet wasn't she? Always stuck to the rules yet when it came to ward 5, she left us be with our relationships not meant to be allowed. She truly was our saviour. None of our families would visit us on holidays, we never got visitors. Except you, your parents would always visit you, except that Christmas. Your parents loved you so much after what you had been driven to do. I know you didn't mean to do it. I know it was the voices in your head which told you to do it. We all have this conflict with ourselves. The pains in our chest which is much harsher than the hurtful words that had been thrown at us on the outside. We were all misfits, outcasts. It's where we belong, locked up away from the world where we can damage ourselves even more; destroy our lives to a point of non-existence. That Christmas was nice though, our first Christmas together. Also a year and a half since I was first admitted. I loved spending that day with you. Even if our parents didn't care, we all cared about each other.

~

Gerard, poor Gerard. He went up that day to see his little brother Mikey on floor 6, ward 6. The last ward and also the most dangerous in the hospital. Really where you should have been, Ryan. That's where all of the pyromaniac's go. But they knew there was something different about you. You weren't going to do harm to us, we'd never done harm to you. So they put you on floor 5, ward 5 with me and I’m so grateful. Christmas was tough for Gerard. Mikey had been stuck in ward 6 for three years, since he was 15 and Gerard had found him in his bedroom, he was only 17, at least 100 cuts on his body, drenched in his own blood. The doctors think that's what drove Gerard mad. His split personality disorder and depression through his brothers’ suicide attempt. I think Gerard was just as messed up as Mikey and Mikey's suicide attempt just threw him over the edge. 

~

I felt like I shouldn't have been told the story. When I was admitted at 15, I remember Mikey having returned from the hospital. He was still incredibly ill. I've only met him once or twice; Gerard usually spends his time in ward 6, never leaving Mikey's side. Mikey loves his brother so much. He would be dead without him. I feel bad for their parents. Having one messed up kid is enough but two must be heart breaking. I never thought I would end up like this, with these people. But it happens. I never knew why it was my turn to be mental. I knew Gerard from the outside, when I had arrived in the hospital; it was a relief to see a friendly face. I remember before we were locked up, he told me about his bright, happy brother and how he wished to be as happy as him one day, as loving and carefree. Now we were all locked up with just each other and these four white walls. We all have our stories and the reasons why we were here, the gross pains in our stomachs, the voices in our head, the urge to burn down your entire foundation of life. It happens to the best of us and oh Ryan, you were the best, you still are.


	2. I'll be your superhero baby, I'll save you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally telling you Gerard's story, Ryan. The story of how he met Frank and how their relationship came to be... Cigarettes, fuck up's and rooftops. This is Gerard an Frank's story.

January 1st, we were so happy together. Our differences had been cast aside and it was just you and I, together. You didn't mind the scars from cuts on my body; I didn't mind the scars from burns on yours. It's sad. Once you realised how bad what you did had been, you took to burning yourself, just so you had something to burn. The wave of a hot flame over your pale skin. You loved it. I never understood why. We saw that new year in together with the rest of ward 5, Jon, Hayley and Bob all with us. They allowed us onto the roof which they really weren't allowed to do and we watched the fireworks across the city. We saw in the New Year together, we sealed it with a kiss; I had never known what it was like to be loved like that. I was 16 years old. We both were. Gerard spent the night with Mikey. Mikey had hardly woken since his 18th birthday in September. He kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Yet Gerard couldn't leave his side, he only left when he was pulled away by Jon and Bob, kicking and screaming to stay with his brother. 

It was a different kind of sadness I experienced that day. April 12th. My 17th birthday. It symbolised me being in on ward 5 for a year. You were happy that day, I was happy. We all were. We spent the day playing games and eating food we usually couldn’t and it was amazing. My parents never showed up though, neither my brother nor sister either. I missed them. I hadn’t seen them in a year but you were there and I loved the fact you were there. We danced around to Green Day and you brought your guitar, I’d never seen you play before and you played to me on the roof, under the stars. We had our own little picnic. We even invited Patrick up for a while, Pete had been gone for two months and I know he was missing him. It was Patrick’s birthday in 15 days and Pete had promised to visit that day as long as Patrick ate, took his meds and tried to sleep. Patrick did what Pete asked because he knew Pete would ask Jon and Bob if he had. Patrick was really missing him but just after Pete left, Patrick had a breakdown; kicking and screaming and scratching at his delicate pale skin. Although Pete never got the chance to visit because he had another breakdown, ending up in hospital and back with us. It’s sad. Some people get out for good but us? We in ward 5 always ended up back.

Remember your birthday? August 30th. That was very eventful… I don’t think I’ve actually ever known of someone to attempt to burn down any of the wards before, not even those up in ward 6, but you did. You tried. You tried to burn yourself and all of us down with it. You had the gasoline bottle, you’d somehow stolen out of Bob’s car and you drowned yourself in it at 3am. You covered the walls of the TV room in it as well. You were sobbing, you couldn’t stop. I heard the sobs; I always heard your sobs. I found you in a pile in the middle of the TV room and ran over as you were about to light your lighter. You were screaming, trying to get me off of you but I stayed and held you tighter until Hayley came rushing in, turning on the lights. They put you in ward 6 for a month. What was that like? You told me it was awful but you got to meet Mikey who had gotten a lot better over the year. I don’t believe it was awful. I believed they helped you, because when you came back down you rushed into my arms. I can’t believe they wouldn’t let me see you, not even Jon or Bob would allow me to see you. Hayley let me in sometimes at night, she’d take me up and I’d sit with you while you were dosed up on sleeping pills and I’d hold your hand. Did you ever feel that? I would hold your hand and whisper to you. When Hayley told me it was time to go back, I’d kiss your forehead and then your cheek. I wish you could have been awake. I loved watching you sleep; that sounds weird I know, but you were so peaceful and beautiful. Gerard knows what I mean.

Gerard used to come and visit Mikey all the time before his break down, I’ve never told you this story, I’ve never told anyone this story. The first time he went up, Frank was standing outside having a cigarette, he was allowed one a week and someone had to stand with him all the time in case he harmed himself with it, not that Frank would waste it like that. Gerard wanted a cigarette, you know what Gerard’s like, and so he asked Frank for a light. Frank chucked over his lighter and they got talking. That was it for them, Gerard would come to visit Mikey every day and every day Frank would get Jon to take him outside so he could see him. Gerard didn’t know that Frank was mental; Frank didn’t know Gerard’s brother was on ward 6. When Gerard confronted Frank as to why he was here, Frank lied, said he was a doctor and Gerard believed him. Gerard told Frank his story, what happened with Mikey and how he couldn’t cope with how bad it was hurting; he gave Frank his number and told him to call if he heard any news about Mikey. He asked Frank to go and see Mikey with him and to tell him the real truth about Mikey’s condition, Frank had lied to Gerard, told him he was a doctor and that he would go up on the roof when things got too much with the patients, it was his happy place. It was all lies. Frank went on the roof when Frank couldn't handle himself. Frank couldn't say yes, he wasn't allowed on ward 6 and there's no way he'd get past ward 6 security, not after last time. So Frank lied, he looked at Gerard and simply said "this was a bad idea" and walked away, Jon's questioning face behind him.

 

"Dude, what's wrong?" Jon said, putting an arm around Frank's shoulders.  
"You know I lied to Gerard and he wanted me to go with him to see his brother Mikey but I'm not allowed on ward 6 and I-I ran away..." This wasn't the way Frank wanted to do things but it was the only way Frank could do things. He was scared, he really liked Gerard. He didn't want him to know he was mad. Three weeks passed and Gerard didn't see Frank outside, Gerard didn't see Frank at all. Then it happened. That's when Gerard did it. He couldn't cope so ward 5 it was. He was going to find out the truth. 

-

"You're getting a temporary roommate, Frank" Jon said, sighing.

"What?!" Frank exclaimed with disbelief. Frank jumped about, excited to meet his new roommate, not realising this was going to change his life around.  
Frank was sat on his bed; strumming his acoustic guitar which really, he wasn't supposed to be allowed but Jon broke the rules a bit, explaining that it calms Frank down in stressful situations. He sat playing American Idiot by Green Day when he heard a small voice squeak "Green Day. I like Green Day" said Pete, coming from the doorway. 

Frank went over to hug Pete but that was before Jon came up behind Pete and solemnly said "don't touch him." And Frank slowly backed away, knowing it as probably for the best he didn't touch him, he was from ward 6 after all. He let Pete settle down onto the bed and then there were the questions.

"How old are you?"  
...

"Why are you in here?"  
...

"Why do you never tell me anything?"  
...

"How crazy are you on a scale of 1 - 10, personally I like to think of myself as an 8-"

"SHUT UP" Pete screamed and Frank jumped back, worried he'd hurt his friend.

"I'm sorry..." Frank whispered, biting his tongue.

-

"Guys, where's Frank?" Jon asked desperately.

"In his room" Pete said, snuggled up next to Patrick and watching American Pie.

"Shit..." Jon stammered and ran down the hallway to catch up with Bob and Gerard. He caught up with them just before they got to Mikey and Frank's door. "No, no, no!" Jon said, standing in front of the door, forbidding entrance to Bob and Gerard. "You can't go in there" Jon awkwardly laughed as he tried to stand in their way.

Bob looked confused and pushed Jon out the way, entering the room with Gerard. When Gerard saw Frank he just stared. Bob looking between Gerard and Frank confused at why Gerard was looking at Frank like that. Jon gave Frank a sorrowful look but Frank wasn't looking at Jon he was looking straight into Gerard's deep hazel eyes. Frank ran out the room, terrified (kind of what I was like with you when we first met) and he didn't look back, he ran straight out and up to the roof. 

-

"Why did you lie?" Said a voice, the roof door slamming behind them. Frank turned around to face Gerard, cheeks tear stained and red.

"I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't want you to know that I'm mental" Frank started to get teary, Frank cried a lot. He doesn't cry much anymore, only when Gerard gets a visit from his and Mikey's parents and Gerard comes back in tears. They feel each other's pain, just how you and me always felt towards each other. I still feel your pain, Ryan. More than anything. "I tried to call" 

“I wasn’t home.” Gerard said, looking down at his feet and biting his lip “I was in hospital. It was too much, I told you it was tough, being brother to Mikey Way the biggest fuck up in this whole institution. I cut myself, I just cut too deep...”

That’s when Frank’s heart broke, Ryan, his heart shattered into a million pieces, but he was also glad. “Oh, Gerard…”

“I hate that you lied to me, Frank, but I’m just as fucked up as the rest of the people in this hospital. We aren’t the same, of course not. But we’re both fucked up and that’s okay”

“It’s not okay, Gerard. We're not okay. But we can be not okay together? We can get better together…” Frank smiled weakly and walked closer to Gerard.

“Together?” Gerard questioned, looking straight into Frank’s eyes

“Together.” Frank whispered, smiling at Gerard, his eyes glistening with hope. Frank leaned in and gave Gerard a small yet perfect kiss on the lips, his lips working perfectly against Gerard’s. Frank smiled and Gerard smiled back and let out a short laugh.

“We really are hopeless aren’t we?” 

“Yeah, we are.”


End file.
